Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
