Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
