I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
