i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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