would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
