Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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