Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
