I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
