We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
