Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
