i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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