guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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