What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
