I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
