Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
