I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
