remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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