we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
