Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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