I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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