Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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