And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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