I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
