Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
