i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
