so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
