He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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