And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
