found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I would ride that face into the sunset
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize