i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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