I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize