So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
