i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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