ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I didn't notice because vodka
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
