guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
