I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He passed out mid-signature
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Boobs are out for the taking
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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