Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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