I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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