if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
