If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
