just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
