Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When are your genitals available?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize