You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
