1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
