i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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