The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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