she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
