Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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