I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
