He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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