I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
