I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
