She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
