I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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