He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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