K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
