if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
