my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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