i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
