I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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