If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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