Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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