Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is wine microwaveable?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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