"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize