Sponge bath it is.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
