he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
